Linda, do you remember who taught us how to drive?  Was it Mom or Dad?

No, we took lessons.

With a professional teacher?  Who?

Mr. Midson, remember?

Oh yeah – I can’t believe you still know his name.

He’s still around - giving lessons. Of course, he can’t see too well, but…

So we each took turns having a lesson with him?

Right. 

In his car?

Yes – he had one of those cars with two brakes, but I didn’t realize that, and he almost blew me away once.

What do you mean?

The first time I tried to drive, I was doing something wrong, or going too fast, and he slammed on his own brake and practically sent me through the windshield.  We didn’t have seatbelts in those days, Sandy.

So were you nervous driving with him after that?

No, but I wasn’t good at it.

Oh, come on, Linda.

Seriously- I didn’t know you could lift your hands off the steering wheel one at a time, so when I went to make a turn, I would keep both my hands in the same position on the wheel and try to turn it– my whole body would end up turning, not the car!

So did Midson yell at you?

No, he just told me to loosen my grip.

I remember we drove all around the neighborhood with him.

Yes, but he also took us on the highway, which was really scary the first time, and he would take us down to River Road to teach us how to park.

What???? Was he a pervert?

No, he took us there because there was never anyone there in the afternoon and we could practice our parallel parking.  And then, at night, I’d be back there making out with Marshall Goldberg in his car.

On River Road?

Yeah – isn’t that where everyone went to make out?

I wouldn’t know, Linda, I never made out with anyone.

Yes you did!

Not on River Road.

Anyway, Sandy, Midson must have been a good teacher because we both passed our driving tests.

I’m sure we must have practiced before we took the test – didn’t we drive with Mom and Dad?

Oh yeah, I remember once I was driving with Mom in the car, and she yelled at me for taking my hand off the wheel and making the car swerve.

Oh, so you finally realized you could take one hand off the wheel – what were you doing?

I was waving to Marshall Goldberg!

Driving with Dad wasn’t much better.

Right, Sandy, he used to take us to the cemetery to practice because there wouldn’t be anyone else around that we could possibly crash into.

Yes, usually he did, but once I was driving on Hope Street with him in a lot of slow traffic, and someone coming the other way started honking at me for something, and Dad got really angry, leaned across me, and started yelling at the woman in the other car. She yelled back and then Dad got even angrier and yelled even louder, saying things like, “Well, where’d you get your license, Sears Roebuck?”

Were you embarrassed?

No, I was practically deaf in one ear, but I was glad Dad was kind of sticking up for me.  He was always very nervous in the car when we drove.

He was nervous when HE drove.

He was cautious.

Yes, cautious, and organized. Whenever we drove to New York, he knew exactly how many tolls there were on the Connecticut Turnpike and how much each one was, and he would have the coins lined up, in order, on the dashboard ready to throw in  the ‘exact change’ tollbooth.   Knowing him, he was probably wearing a jacket and tie, too.

True, but he let us take the car when we wanted, didn’t he, Linda?

They let us take Mom’s car, not his. And we never took the car when we weren’t supposed to.  We could have had so much more fun.

It never occurred to me to take the car without asking.

It wouldn’t.

Anyway, Linda, remember when we graduated from college, Grandma Libby gave us money so we could each buy our own car.

Yes, Sandy, we both got Chevy Camaros, but yours was ugly and stupid.

What do you mean?

It wasn’t air conditioned and it was a hideous color – brown.

No, it was gold or bronze.

Even worse!  Mine was blue with a black top.

Oh, that does sound cooler.

And, when we went to pick out our cars – bear in mind we were college graduates by this time -  Dad gave us instructions – like “make sure it has four tires and a steering wheel.”
And “look under the hood to make sure the engine is there.”
Sandy, how did he think we were going to drive away in a car with 3 wheels and no engine?

I don’t know, Linda, - that was Dad. So do you think you’re a good driver now?

I’m a great driver – a fabulous driver. Although not at night – I tend to fall asleep at night.

I do too, whether I’m driving or not.

And I do my best singing when I’m in the car.

Linda, you can’t sing.

For your information, I  have a beautiful voice when I’m in the car, Sandy. And I keep my car very neat and clean.

You don’t eat in the car?

Oh, I have Dairy Queen every day in the car – I just clean up my garbage.  The only thing I have in my car is the three or four parking tickets I get a week.

I don’t usually get parking tickets – just the occasional speeding ticket.

I didn’t know you were a fast driver.  You’re certainly not quick at anything else you do.

Just on the highway.  I mean those speed limit signs are just suggestions, aren’t they?

Right – completely optional.

So why do you get all those parking tickets, Linda?

I don’t know – I happen to be an excellent parker.

Yeah, must be all the practice you got on River Road.

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